Melancholic thoughts before the lights go out

It’s a melancholic Thursday. Hell, it’s been a melancholic week. I’m reminded daily of how blessed I am, but it doesn’t make it any easier to get past some of the emotional junk that creeps up on me when I’m not looking.

I do feel more organized though. Last night I skipped out on bingeing and general television to do those bills and straighten up the territory a little. It’s amazing to me that I have been in my current role for almost six months now. But there are still pockets of unattended crap sitting around, which obviously means I still have way too much stuff to do. I’ve slowly pulled away from the commitment to live simply and the conviction to turn back towards that casual lifestyle is growing stronger by the day. I have lived a lifestyle of plenty and can easily afford to give up many of the objects and wants I have so easily elevated to a status of need and possibly even worship.

My heart is pretty torn right now with thoughts of my second cousin. A good kid. Loved his mom. Went to college. Kept at the studies. Had grand plans. Kept the world turning.

He's now in a coma after a road accident. Been 5 days now. And I know that his parents have struggled for the past few days with his health, but being confronted with the reality of death is always a sobering thought. The most recent news is not positive, and I know that at any point I might receive that call from my dad with news.

I only got to know of the entire incident when I got back from Delhi on Monday. When I found out that his mom was at the hospital fighting back tears, I headed straight for the hospital from the airport. Strong, resolute woman. I keep wondering if I should head home now to be with her, but part of me has hope that her son is going to pull through just like she has in the past. However, listening to news that his health is steadily deteriorating over sporadic phone calls has been heartbreaking, and watching their will to fight the inevitable has just compounded to make my heart heavy every time I close my eyes.

Yeah.... Good night to you too.

Travails of the misconstrued traveller

The company decided that i spend too much time on the road... And what with all this talk of profitability I shouldn't take the driver along every time... (Also they know what a sweet driver I am). So they actually let me pick a car for my trips this week. And what do i do, choose a beat up maruti gypsy thats seen some thousand miles too many. This offroader must have been a sweet set of wheels in its time. But its been around a few too many potholes a few too many times. And whoever owned it obviously didn't indulge in luxuries like the occasional tune-up or oil change. The engine jerks and farts like an old man on a bad diet. The steering mechanism's got terminal arthritis. The suspension makes every bump an adventure. But all the same, this was the first time I got to drive a jeep/mobile whatever. I wasnt gonna let up on that.

So here I am, made it all the way to Denkanikottai on a left rear tyre that is as soft as a rotten banana and if thats a slow leak I'm good and screwed. I had to chuck the spare tyre to make room for all the neatly stacked up POP stuff we packed into the back. Every time I start it up I find myself wishing that this dear old girl can make it all the way to third gear without shaking the teeth out of my gums and that it could carry me another twenty yards without the carbeurator kicking out a fat one. So with 800 kms on the road this week so far, and the same to go, this hallowed trip seems to be losing its sheen. Also I've to make it home for the weekend.

Still may I proffer a truncated version of my trip to lands dusty and dry?

It was dusty, dry (maybe you already got that), hot, fast, slow, fattening, slimming, humid, wet, salty, vegetarian, fishy, meaty, colourful, hairy, large, larger, small, frictional, factional, stark, modern, ancient, and everything in-between; and we experienced friendship, suspicion, brotherhood, sisterhood, fraternity, fraternizing sexuality, happy, boisterous Nadars, strutting, drunk Devars, and tanned, perfumed Mals, honesty, swindlers, embraces, gambling, a knife or two, goats, beggars, kal dosais, yera and pura, traffic jams on half deserted roads, high-speed buses and bad drivers in the dead of night, visions of God, spice, no sleep, insomnia, more insomnia, skin, clothes, corals selling in the markets, fish, fowl, war, the threat of war, retaliation, reconciliation, olive branches, freshly cleaned socks, and hot coffee.

Sums it up, I guess. For details, call. Nobody calls me.