To my Neighbours

In general info for all those people i have maintained radio silence with... This is to clue you in on the latest happenings of my life.

Ok we all know i have to live here. But you people drive me insane.

Creepy Staring Lady- Stop watching me, I know you think I cant see you because you hide behind the stairs, but I can. Your legs are still there. I promise you I am not going to do a dance, burst into flames or bring home someone so you can call my mom. You can stop looking. Also, get rid of that damned phone. The ring followed by the incoherent telugu soundtrack is driving me insane. They are obviously someone you know, so you please do the calling. I'll pay, I promise.

Ex Army Doc lady- You are quite pleasant, you always smile. Your little daughter is a joy. Polite and friendly. We can all hear you screaming at her every night. She is 8 she will get her priorities straight eventually. Cut her some slack

Family from Vizag- I am not sure how you do it. You have 4 adults, a preteen, 2 kids and a baby. I realize the rent is a little steep but for gods sake where do you all sleep? Oh and to the obviously adult son. You aren't a thug, you aren't hardcore. So stop smoking secretly outside and throwing the stubs into my balcony.

Super nice dark guy in the floor above- You and your wife are sweet and awesome neighbors, you don't complain when we make too much noise, and you just say hi when its needed. But when you are home alone we can hear you singing to your 80s zeenat aman music. Dont get me wrong its good. Its even funny, but dont come out all tough. We know your secret!

Bitchy lady- When you order a package and you know it will be sent sent by courier which requires a signature, send it to where you work. The poor courier guy shows up all the time and you aren't home. I made the mistake of signing for a package once for you. I left you a nice note letting you know that when you get home ring the bell and I will give it to you. It would have been nice for you to say "Thank you" instead of "Why did you take my package". Next time I will.... Never mind there will be no next time. Yes you are the bitchy woman. You.

Slightly shady saree clad women- We know you are the gravediggers for the place. (Yeah, thanks to demand for bachelor housing, i live overlooking a nice quaint lil cemetery) And that you keep to yourselves. But do remember normal people like to sleep when you go about your work. Please please dont shout so much at night.

I'm pretty much stuck here and wont be moving soon. So its not like I can say I wont have to deal with you. Maybe I will print this out and leave it for the next person who pays a ridiculous amount for this apartment. Next person....the water pipes clog ever so often, and sometimes the heater conks off. Don't call the plumber if you need to get it fixed. Super nice dark guy is darned good that way. Works well. Doesn't charge.