Stagnant waters

It's been a complicated two months. There have been attempts to talk about it, what went wrong, why we needed certain things from each other, what we gave to each other, and what was missing. With the benefit of hindsight, things became more lucid. With the benefit of time, the truth didn't hurt as much. With the benefit of space, we each felt we could approach each other from a more neutral and objective standpoint.

It wasn't simple or easy. There were times of complete and utter closeness and understanding, followed by flashes of tempestuous anger and a desire to pull back and create distance. But through it all we reached an understanding, a break through of sorts: we finally learned about each other - the One True Thing we each needed from a relationship, and how whenever each of our priorities had become threatened, our relationship took a turn for the worse. Every single fight we've ever had has had its roots in it, and it was understanding that that really clarified things between us.

We talked more, in a way more openly than ever before. I think breaking up was the best thing that could have ever happened to us, because it gave us perspective, and untangled us from the inertia that kept two unhappy people together. Something wasn't right, like a fracture that didn't heal properly, and we needed a solid and painful break to try to make it better again.

That's not to say that things are at their absolute best, but we are trying to sort things out and see if there aren't fundamental issues that truly can't be crossed. There's good will between us again, but it's bound to be awkward at times, and occasionally volatile as sensitive topics and unresolved fundamental issues come to the forefront. In the meantime, I think the distance is good, because it will give each of us the space we need and the time to think things through while we live our lives independently, with her spending time with her friends, and cme with myself. And that's what I need right now: more time and space to think about things, and to make sure my steps are measured so I don't rush into anything.



Mood - One Headlight (Wallflowers)