Its been the sixth consecutive day in the training schedule. And the end seems to be the really far side of a dark tunnel. Or in my case, a well lit conference hall where most words discussed are written in capitals and nobody cares to elaborate what they stand for. So I have regressed pretty much in to the things that I do best. Doodle as I dawdle.
With the last bits of my sobriety ebbing, I delve into dark voyeurism as I look around me and the strange quirks that hide behind people become surprisingly evident. I find it an incredibly compelling thing to see middle aged people do some very childish things. I don't mean petty or small things, but actual unconscious actions. For instance, there was this suited sales head that complained that his tummy was sore, rubbing it for effect. Or that friendly European woman that kept swatting feverishly at a fly, wanting it to go away but too scared to actually hit it. Or when I see any of the speakers act shy or awkward or nervous. I once had this new geography teacher at school that was terrified of her class, and spoke in a voice that shook along with her hands. And as a class I don't think we made her life any easier either. Felt kind of bad for her, and even made the schoolboy error of voicing concerns to peers, who in turn peered down and declared "you fancy her!"
I guess it is foolish to assume that adults are in fact always adult 100% of the time. My own definition of adulthood is weird and pretty narrow. An adult is someone that is either successfully doing the family thing, and/or doing the whole career thing, who buy photo frames and pepper shakers and have creases in their facebook.
Since there are 2 parties that I have to be at tonight, and it is quite likely that I will end up driving when I shouldn't after I sit up late with friends playing video games and poker. It always makes me smile when we have those same old conversations that we had way back when, and realizing that despite appearances, people don't actually change that much. Not in a bad way of course. All their good points stay the same, its just their vices that evolve. From chocolate to booze to smoking and to other stuff. Our sins become more glamorous whilst our virtues remain true and steady. But then again, that is for later in the day.
For now, I am still in the same training session with its well lit conference hall and boring questions from people. Also, today was one that was wanting of any kind of action. And this kind of day always annoys me, where nothing is really achieved. The real regret is you know that you could easily have done something cool, maybe even awesome, or failing that, at least something useful and productive. I always end up getting all fired up to do shit and then within a few hours lose all momentum to follow through. The vicious and fairly linear circle thing. I blame my incredibly short attention span now that my mid-life angst is fast running out as a legitimate excuse.
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